Quotes2you - famous quotes and Facebook quotes, Twitter sayings and funny jokes

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Some silly, some daft, some great and some Famous
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"Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey" - Unknown
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."- Rodney Dangerfield 


"I support two teams, Everton and whoever is playing against Liverpool " -Everton Supporter


"Just been watching olympic ladies beach volleyball. Theres already been a wrist injury... But I should be ok by monday.!!!!!!!!!!!!"
quotes2you
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
Judy Garland

 "Tips to reduce weight: First turn your head to the right, and then turn it to the left. Repeat the exercise every time you are offered something to eat." - Unknown
"I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Mrs came into the lounge and says, "Fancy a shag Babe?" I said, "After the football love." She said, "You do realise that you can record it?" I said, "Nice one! You get the camcorder out and I'll come upstairs when the footy finishes!" Unkown


"A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun!" - Unknown
"If you ever start taking life too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe." - Unknown

"Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband, “I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?” Husband replied, “Your eyesight is still excellent.”

 "When I was in the pub I heard a couple of dickheads saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.  What a pair of sexist pigs.  I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!" - unknown
"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."
 Zsa Zsa Gabor.
" If you think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom." - Unknown

"Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." Unknown


"The older I get, The better I was" - Unknown
"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century"
Dame Edna Everage
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand"
Kurt Vonnegut
"Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads."
Henry David Thoreau 
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should just default to ‘unstable’.
"Apple announced today the development of a microchip that can be implanted into a woman's breast and play music. The i-tit will cost £399 and is regarded as a major breakthrough as women are always moaning that men just stare at their tits and never listen to them!" - Unknown

Best quotes of the Month


"If first you don't succeed, don't go skydiving!." - Unknown

"Imagine if a woman had a fake breast made out of pine. That would be weird..wooden tit?" - Unknown

80% of the exam is always based on 1 lecture that you missed and 1 topic that you didn’t prepare. - Unknown


"Just a thought-Statistically, when you take your marriage vows you are standing next to the person most likely to murder you. " - Unknown